Making Really Bad Mistakes When You're Ill
by a mountain of gideon's scones
Summary: Kerr is ill. So she heals herself and takes the Next Gen kids off to an Olly Murs concert, after experimenting on them first. What happens and who gets kicked out of what? R&R please. Crackfic.


_For Kerr, since you helped me make this a crackfic by suggesting it, is for you; sorry for making you out to be old!_

_I own nothing & this is a __**CRACKFIC,**__ therefore, it is not _supposed_ to be in character or whatever._

_**OMG I got like, amazing, GCSE grades! For me, they were fantabulous – 8A*s and 7As… hope you all got the grades you wanted! Even though results day was… yesterday… you shouldn't have forgotten **_**yet**_**!**_

* * *

Kerr is bored.

Well, let's edit that sentence slightly, shall we not? Kerr is bored in bed because she decided she didn't_ want_ to use magic to heal herself when she decided a little nap on the concrete floor would be a nice deviation from being bored. So, Kerr decided to get herself carted off to the hospital – _no_, silly, _not_ the mental hospital, though the nap idea could suggest she needs it – where she got told she has an insane headache and to 'chillax' for a while (the doctor was a reformed hippie).

She's been banned from working for two weeks, and some dude suggested that spending time in bed would be _fun_… but it's not.

_And_ nobody's visiting her! It's all very sad.

Everybody _her_ age all seem to be boring sods at the minute, but their kids aren't… maybe, if she performs an age increasing charm on them, she thinks, just for a few hours, she can be unbored-ified for a little while. After all, it's not a _crime_ to want to spend some time with normal people, is it?

Intrigued by this idea, Kerr gets up and decides to stuff her 'no magic on injuries' resolve that's been around for about three days, healing herself instantly. Then, she gets dressed in what she thinks the 14-24 year old kids would wear – weird corduroy trousers with a shocking pink top that does _nothing_ for her skin tone.

She remembers, as she dresses and applies thick make up, that there is an Olly Murs concert tonight down in Hull and that there are a few tickets left. Maybe, if the kids want to, she could take them there? She's always wanted to go to an Olly Murs concert, but her friends tell her that she's too old and, anyway, she's a witch not a Muggle… even Harry refuses to go with her and Hermione says "Olly Murs cannot sing for toffee" which is a statement Kerr completely disagrees with.

Kerr is a well known person to sing Olly Murs lyrics as a way to distract herself on stakeouts, which isn't something her colleagues particularly enjoy!

"Come on, pick _up_," Kerr mutters as she calls Teddy, who is home for the holidays. He's only home because he and his little friends had a little bit of a public falling out, so much so that Professor McGonagall refused to allow _any_ of them remain on the school grounds during any free time.

"Kerr, what's up?" he finally answers the phone, just before it cuts to the answerphone.

"Gather up the kids please and bring them over here?" she requests weakly, playing on the card that she's still ill. "I've got a present for you all if you get here in ten minutes," she tacks on the end, sensing that he isn't too interested in coming over.

"Alright, we'll be there in nine minutes!" he brightens up and hangs the phone up before she can say anything else, or even to tell them to dress in normal clothes… Lily, since she _is_ the youngest, likes to wear orange and pink stripes and dance with mud in her knickers, yet she _is_ only four, so perhaps it ought to be expected?

Kerr makes the most of her last moments of being the only adult in the room, closing her eyes as she attempts to ensure that she can one hundred percent be confident that this _is_ the right spell to use and that she isn't going to turn all her friends' kids into toads or something like that. She doubts that she'd be very welcome in 'the gang' of her and her friends anymore, since they wouldn't be happy not having any children anymore just because she wants to have a midlife crisis and be a kid again.

She turns her favourite Olly song on (I Blame Hollywood) and has it blasting out of the magically enhanced speakers she bought, bopping and dancing to the beat until a pointed clearing of a throat causes her to stop.

Slowly, she turns around to face all of the Weasley/Potter/Scamander children, all of whom are looking at her as if she has grown a second head or something akin to that. In all honesty, with their lives, Kerr growing a second head would be the _least_ of their troubles.

"Kerr why did you want us here?" Teddy, as the oldest kid, decides to step forwards and take charge of identifying the reason as to why all the children have been gathered together.

All of them, even little Lily, stand there waiting for her, polite in their stance because they know Kerr could make them into matchsticks, or mince them into mincemeat, if they so much as rubbed her up the wrong way when she's ill.

"So, guys, how do you feel about a _little magic_?" Kerr decides to draw them in first, since some of the older ones may not particularly want to be aged, even for a couple of hours.

Everyone jumps in the air as if they're at a concert and Kerr decides that they've definitely got potential in the art of arm waving – enough so that they'll be perfect in a concert situation.

"Yay, yay, yay!" the children chorus, every single one of them (even including the ones who are learning to do magic) excited about the prospect of getting magic performed for them. "Come on, Kerr, show us!" Rose yells, waiting to see something absolutely fantastic, just like her Mother does.

Kerr sighs, wondering if this is a good idea for a minute, before deciding that it _is_ and that having a group of fellow followers to Olly Murs would be amazing. After all, she doesn't want to go on her _own_, looking like a spinster who smells and has no friends. Actually, it would be worse than that, she thinks – the security team would probably end up thinking that she's some sort of paedophile, and she already doesn't have the greatest record with the police, after the yelling of her being a prostitute all around Muggle London.

"I'm going to age you all so that you can come with me to a Muggle concert," she grins, causing all of them to erupt with cheers even though they probably didn't bother to listen to what she's doing. They _are_ mainly under 10, after all, but that isn't really an excuse since they could be agreeing to do something which results in them getting bribed to get into a stranger's car and then get driven away, never to be seen again.

"A _concert_?" Teddy confirms, a grin slipping onto his lips. "Yay! Who?"

"Olly Murs," Kerr says proudly, all of them not bothering to react differently to the name, most of them having not even heard of Olly Murs, if she's honest. "Come on then, line up. I'll get you all in one go."

So, they all line up before the appallingly dressed woman and close their eyes as they wait to be zapped to make them all older and more sophisticated… Teddy hopes that the little ones - particularly little Lily – will behave themselves if they're older and that they'll just be being like how they are at that age.

"Ageioincreasio," Kerr uses the _extremely_ imaginatively named spell on the children, getting a chance to see how it feels to be able to use magic on children, something which was outlawed last year.

She waits for some massive shoot of light to come out of her wand and encompass all the children, hiding them from her view whilst they age, or, at the very least, some _noise_ and smoke that makes them slightly disappear from her line of sight.

Nothing happens.

She sighs and begins to utter the spell again and again, unable to accept that they're not ageing and that maybe she's failed in her mission to get them to age enough so that they can get into a concert with her.

She turns away in anger, tears streaming down her face as she realises she may have to miss Olly Murs, when screams of fear and perhaps anticipation draw her attention back to the kids in the room.

Or what _were_ kids… as now, they're aged between 14 and 24 and are looking at her with the same teenage expression she had with her mother when she was a little kiddie herself. None of them look particularly similar to their under ten age self, something which startles her slightly, but she can recognise them from their own unique shades of hair colour.

"Kerr!" Lily squeals, the only one that seems particularly happy in the situation, running forwards to give her a hug. "I'm not a little kid! I'm fourteen!" she sings out in delight, causing the others to wince and cover their ears, Teddy going as far to draw his wand out (which, Kerr supposes, he _can_ do since he's 24 and bloody _huge_) to wrap him and Victoire (who he has his arm around) in a soundproof box of sorts.

"Lily, you're… older," Kerr says weakly, the delight being overtaken by the fear that she won't be able to get them back to their real age. What would Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermione, Bill and Fleur, and the others say if they find out it was _her_ who made them all age? They'd miss out on ten years of education, years they appear to be here but since the majority of them don't have wands, she doesn't have a clue what is going on.

"Yeah…you're the one who made us this way!" Rose, apparently turned into a moody teenager, rolls her eyes as she surveys her nails. "Look, I thought we were going to a concert?" she says, as if everything in prep for the concert could have happened in the three seconds between her sentences.

"Yes, we are…" Kerr says, trailing off as she wonders what Rose could want. "You want…?"

"I think we _all_ need new clothes," Molly jumps in, showing off her dungarees that she is wearing, just enlarged with the fact that she aged the ten years.

Kerr shakes her head and shudders slightly at the thought of taking them shopping in _Muggle London_, after the last time with Sirius and her other friends. "Right, well, I'll find my catalogue and I'll bring them up from it," she compensates, resulting in all the girls shuddering.

"We want to go_ shopping_," Lucy snaps, Queen Bitch apparently since Victoire is off whispering sweet nothings into Teddy's ear, which has them both giggling.

"You hear about the last time I went shopping in Muggle London?" Kerr says, picking up the catalogues and throwing them at the girls. "Well, I was mistaken for being pregnant, had my bag nicked, was accused of being a prostitute and arrested before being broken out. So I'm not going shopping, understand?"

Instead of making them understand, all this does is make the girls laugh so hard they nod, opening the glossy books and find the most expensively gorgeous dress they can find…

~x~

Three hours later, they are finally ready to go, with them all having had _huge_ arguments with each other about what to wear – because Victoire was wearing rather a slutty black dress, nobody else could wear black. Everyone else claimed colours until poor Lily had absolutely nothing to wear, so she had to make a puke coloured dress, which didn't flatter either her skin tone or her hair colour.

The boys were fine to dress but they just sat down on Kerr's Xbox and refused to get off it until Kerr threatened to turn them back to a little baby and then go home, which got them waiting by the door within about three seconds.

Nobody has noticed what Kerr is wearing, or the fact that her hair is in two tones of brown-y black and her makeup makes her resemble a panda. All they care about is getting to this concert, since the Olly Murs album has been blasting away all day and now the girls know all the words to it! It's extremely uber exciting and nobody can wait to get there, even the boys who have been caught singing along every now and then.

"Let's go!" Kerr yells, having all the kids touch part of her skin so that they don't get left behind in the Side-long Apparation. She feels the familiar jerk behind her belly button as they shift through time and place (well, less of the _time_ and more of the place, but it sounds better to say them together) to arrive in Hull City Centre, near to where the concert is being held.

"Right, when we're in there, we're not going to be drawing attention to ourselves, are we?" Kerr says in such a threatening manner that the kids immediately agree, shutting their mouths as they follow her into the box.

Instantly, she turns seductive and flashes the male on ticket patrol, whispering promises in his ear that she will never keep, in order to get them all in for free. She could use her magic, but where's the fun in that?

After about five minutes, he relents and allows them all in, giving them the best seats in the house since the royal family decided not to turn up – Kerr makes a mental note to go shoot them all or something, if they cannot appreciate the amazing tones of Olly Murs!

"Remember what I said," Kerr warns as they wait for Olly to come out, all of them bouncing in their seats as the anticipation hits them…

~x~

Forty five minutes later, Olly appears on stage, his cheeky grin on his lips. "You alright?" he says in his Essexian accent, an accent which Kerr has 100% decided she wants to adopt.

All thoughts of being civilised and well behaved fall out of Kerr's head as she begins to scream with all the other (admittedly younger) fans, the rest of the kids joining in with her now she has set the standard for how to behave.

"Good, good," Olly says, swinging his microphone. "Right, then, well let's get straight into the singing!"

As he sings Change Is Gonna Come, everyone in the room begins to sing along besides for Teddy and Victoire, who begin to get it on where they're sat on the back row. Kerr is positively screaming the words, using magic to enhance her voice to only be a little quieter than the others in the room.

Whilst the rest of the room don't really mind this at first, by the third song it's getting pretty annoying, so Olly decides to call up the girl who he thinks is making the most noise to sing with him in exchange for duct taping her mouth for the rest of the show.

"Right then… let's get… the blonde up, please," Olly motions to Lily Potter, having mistaken her for Kerr as being the really, _really_ loud one. So Lily goes up, ignoring Kerr's death threats for doing this (let's not forget Kerr had a little accident which may have scrambled her remaining brain cells) and stands on the stage next to Olly.

The sight of seeing the littlest brat of her friends standing next to _her_ imagined boyfriend is too much for Kerr…

"I'm going to _kill_ you, Lily Potter!" she screeches, running up the path where Lily went as she heads up to the stage. "You _know_ I have posters of Olly everywhere, the man I imagine to marry, the one who loves me but doesn't realise it! You're a fucking _baby_!" the anger has caused Kerr to become extremely derogatory towards Lily, the rest of her foul mouthed rant being too strong to be recorded, for rating purposes.

Olly stands there, stunned, as Kerr runs towards him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. Well, until he motions security forwards to grab her, a movement which has half the next-gen kids up in arms and screaming that the bloody management is stupid and that they all should piss off and go to hell… besides, once again, the elderly kids since they're still in the back row, as yet unnoticed.

"Get…them…all…out," Olly mutters, his throat having been crushed by the momentum of Kerr's hug, the way she gripped onto him as the security guards tried to get her away.

Security teams head up to the many children in the best seats of the house, as yet not seeing Teddy and Victoire _still_, and begin to pull them out, ignoring their threats that they'll curse them. In fact, the security team begin to call the best psychs in the country to come deal with the believed spawn of Kerr, the woman being thrown out ahead of the kids.

"OMG, THEY'RE _DOING_ _IT_!" a fourteen year old Muggle girl with extraordinary eyesight spots Teddy and Vic in the back row of the arena before screaming that her eyes are burning.

Unsurprisingly, Teddy and Victoire are thrown out as well.

Kerr is crying on the pavement, her eyes soaking wet with the disappointment that Olly doesn't want her. But she knows she has to get them out before she's charged with kidnapping as well, since… oh _fuck_, she never told her friends that she was taking the kids; she just sort of… _took_ them.

"Time to go, kids!" she screams, her voice barely audible above the choking sounds of the end of her dreams being flushed down the toilet (they're sitting and hiding in the Queen Victoria's Square toilets in Hull) and she pulls them all to her.

They Apparate back to her house, where they find the Wizarding Police Force (an idea Kerr herself had) with their forensics department (she likes CSI, ok?) scouring the floor for signs of the children.

"Oh my god… you're _old_!" Ginny screeches, collapsing to the floor as soon as she sees her aged children, all of whom are sobbing as they had to leave Olly Murs, with a gibbering wreck of a Kerr.

"Turn them back, _now_!" Harry says, Ron telling the police it's ok and that they're no longer necessary.

Kerr nods and faces the children (and the blushing couple in the back) and searches in her mind for the spell to turn them back.

"I've forgotten it," she whispers, before Harry knocks her out.

* * *

~_other information that you want to know that doesn't fit in with the story~_

- The children return to being children, but Lily is forever haunted by the sight of Teddy and Victoire together when they spent the night sleeping at Kerr's whilst they were waiting to be turned back.

- Kerr never got the kids again.

- She was sent to psychiatric care to get over Olly.

- The hitting over the head by Harry left her in bed for six months without magic, since the head injury she half healed was attributed as the cause for the crazy idea.

- And, finally, Olly never did another concert again.

* * *

_Thoughts?_

_Kerr… sorry, love, if you don't like it you were just _soooo _funny to write._

_Don't fav without reviewing please…_

_Vicky xx_


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